[ r.a.m.b.l.i.n.g.s ]

The professor...

Tue, 29 Nov 2005 08:30:56 GMT

A professor stood before his philosophy class and placed some items on the table in front of him. When the class began, he picked up a large jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. The agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. The agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous yes. The professor then produced two cups of tea and poured them into the jar. Effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

"Now," said the professor, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things, your family, your children, your health, your friends and your passions. Things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter, like your job, your house, your car. The sand is everything else, the small stuff. If you put the sand in first," he continued, "there is no room for the golf balls or the pebbles. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the important things. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to read a book. Take your partner to dinner. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."

One of the students raised her hand and asked what the tea represented. The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of cups of tea with a friend."

Tue, 01 Nov 2005 02:31:26 GMT

"The practice of art isnt to make a living. It's to make your soul grow." -Someguy... (I'll try to remember who.)

Sat, 12 Mar 2005 23:04:17 GMT

I did this yesterday in Illustrator while I was at work bored outta my mind. I'm thinking of maybe doing flash animations with them or maybe just doing different stills. Tell me what you think!

Radiohead kicks so much ass...

Mon, 07 Mar 2005 23:00:33 GMT

Everyone must watch this RIGHT NOW!!

Radiohead - Creep

This is seriously the most amazing peice of Flash Animation I've ever seen!

I want to father the animator's babies... just wow... I'm so inspired right now...

Tue, 22 Feb 2005 00:49:30 GMT

A long while ago, a great warrior faced a situation which made it necessary for him to make a decision which insured his success on the battlefield. He was about to send his armies against a powerful foe, whose men outnumbered his own. He loaded his soldiers into boats, sailed to the enemy's country, unloaded the solders and equipment, then gave the order to burn the ships that had carried them. Addressing his men before the first battle, he said, "You see the boats going up in smoke. That means we cannot leave these shores alive unless we win! We now have no choice - we win - or we perish!"

They won.

Every person who wins in any undertaking must be willing to burn his ships and cut all sources of retreat. Only by so doing can one be sure of maintaining that state of mind known as a burning desire to win, essential to success.

Sun, 23 Jan 2005 20:34:11 GMT

Holy Shit!!.... Why did I see this now?? I can't wait till halloween!!! lol

Burton is a genius... I swear to god...

Sat, 01 Jan 2005 08:03:53 GMT

Happy New Years Everyone!

Fri, 24 Dec 2004 05:47:47 GMT

HAPPY BIRTHDAY STEPH!!!!

You're the best! Hope your birthday wishes come true! *hugs*

The glass is half full...

Sat, 06 Nov 2004 00:37:08 GMT

How can I be so positive all the time?... I was never like this before; I used to be so cynical, always thinking and expecting the worst...

It's because of you!... Just hearing your voice, or getting a message from you. Looking into your amazing eyes, or watching you smile as you walk out your door towards the car... You make the whole world around me stop. And in that moment there's only happiness. All of life's problems seem to disappear; it doesn't seem so bad anymore.

If I ever feel like I'm slipping I just need to think about you... I smile... And the world seems like a better place once again...

You make me so positive. You make life worth living!

its been 1am for 2 hours now...

Sun, 31 Oct 2004 06:57:01 GMT

yay! extra hour tonight... haven't posted in a WHILE! gotta get back on top of things...

its funny... how life is lived foward, but you learn and understand backwards...

Realizing Your Potential

Tue, 21 Sep 2004 04:44:23 GMT

The important thing is this: To be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are, for what we could become. -Charles Du Bois

Read through it two or three times to really see the subtleties of it.

Now ask yourself this...
-Who are you right now?
-How do your colleagues see you?
-How would they describe you?
-How would your best friend describe you?

Pick 10 words or phrases that these people would use to describe you. Choose 5 positive or strengths and 5 negatives or weaknesses. Take a couple minutes and really do it.

This describes who you are right now.

Is this who you want to be?

Even more important, is this the best you can/could be?

How much of your potential are you actually realizing? There is who you are right now, and then there is who you could be right now.

How would you like to be described as a person? as a leader? as a friend?

A question to ask yourself daily is what actions will you take today, this week, and this month to move toward being the best you could be?

The size of the gap that exists between who you are and who you should/could be directly relates to your success and happiness in life.

So few of us realize what we are truly capable of...

You are a good apple!

Fri, 17 Sep 2004 05:16:14 GMT

Girls are like apples on trees, the best ones are at the top. Guys don't want to reach for the good ones, they're afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead they just get the rotten apples that have fallen to the ground, the ones that arn't as good but easy. The apples on the top think that there is something wrong with them, that they arn't good enough, when in reality they are amazing! They just need to be a little patient for that right guy, the one who takes the chances no matter how risky it is to find the good, right apple.

Thu, 16 Sep 2004 23:18:02 GMT

Yay! Happy Birthday to Me!

Sun, 12 Sep 2004 08:26:40 GMT

last night, on a total spontaneous kick i went out to visit steph at work. i've never been to any of her jobs before so it was cool to see her working. lol. checked out danial ross's work. he’s seriously amazing! i absolutely love his one painting "Night". if i had and extra $2400 laying around i would've gotten it in a heartbeat. steph said she’s gonna paint me something similar tho. so i definatly lucked out there in the end. she’s the best! anyways, while i was there she ran downstairs for a min and these people came in and started asking me questions about the art in the window next door. if it was a print or the original. now, i had no clue there was even a painting in that window let alone how to tell the difference between the 2. tho i know now. it was just a very awkward and funny moment. you probably had to be there. i managed to hold them over till steph came running back up. hehe

we stopped by jack asstors after she was done too. they're by far my most favorite place to eat now! the garlic bread with cheese is AMAZING. words can't even describe it. i got the teriyaki chicken and it came with cajun rice. i've never tasted rice so spicy in my life. it was so incredible. never finished it tho... i was so full. i feel bad not finishing it off. it wasn’t a lot that was left.. but it was a little much to just scrap. lol

ohhh i forgot to mention one of the best benefits to getting more shifts at work. i wake up early and take off right away and then i don’t get home till later on in the evening. i barely see ANYONE from this house anymore. the old lady is sleeping by the time i get home. my grandpa has gone to his room for the night. my dad and maryann are usually just watching tv and they head to bed a couple hours after i get home. its so great. they can get all they're yelling and bitching and just general frustrations out before i even get home. it seems slightly peaceful now.

i got this croatian bbq / picnic thing i gotta goto tomorrow. not really looking forward to it. i dont speak a word of it and i get the language and music shoved down my throat every damn day here already. ahhh well, i'm doing it for my mom. it was a last minute idea. she was feeling really down 'cause none of her kids want to spend time with her. my brother refused to come so he's still in bed in kingston. my sisters only came cause they wanna goto they're friends houses here. ah well, i'll go for a couple hours at least. it wont completely kill me, lol, only destroy me a little. fun stuff!!

it's late, i should get some sleep. apparently they're gonna call me early in the morning.

night!

Sun, 12 Sep 2004 08:02:52 GMT

so i haven't really posted anything special lately. posts for the sake of posts... that'll have to stop. life is pretty crazy as always but i guess that’s just the way it is. it wouldn’t be life if it was easy right. work has turned into a daycare service for the family. whenever rocco and the family get together at the cafe all the children come downstairs to play games. i like kids and all, but these ones are total brats! all but this one girl jessica. shes too cute. there’s no way she related to them! she grabbed on of the chairs and sat at my desk across from me and asked me to quiz her with her spelling homework and then she wanted to show me these moves she learnt at soccer practice. hehe. spent the whole night sitting at my desk with me. other then that it total chaos, kids running around and screaming, ignoring anything anyone would say... i swear i gotta start bringing advil to work.

things with my dad are really sketchy. he’s pissed about my loan. said if it was him he wouldn't give me any money. that i deserve everything i get (referring to the fact that my first loan was declined). i really don’t get what his problem is. nothing i do is ever good enough for him. it doesn’t matter what, i will always be doing something wrong with my life. he wants me to live my life exactly how he wants me too. the fact that i’m not really is driving him insane.

he finally got a job tho, which is good but its driving a tanker truck. the ones that go around to gas stations filling up the tanks in the ground. its slightly nerve wrecking knowing that all it'll take is one stupid moron running a red light to cause his truck to blow up. and there are soooo many morons out there.

i got approved for my loan. not for the full amount but for more then half. i could have got the full amount with a co-signer but i decided it was better not too. it'll look a hell of a lot better in the future from a credit p.o.v. that i got this one on my own. plus i’m cutting it back to 3 years instead of the 4 year loan. i just gotta tweak my plan a little but i can make it work. everything will work out in the end. plus i got a lot more shifts at work now. i cant wait to get a car again! public transportation was cool for the first couple months but its novelty wore off faster then

there’s a position at mohawk doing similar work to what im doing now at work. it pays more then double what i get paid for now. so i'm gonna try and get my resume sent into them tomorrow night (gotta email it). wish me luck.

i realized just now that i'm happiest when i'm alone, yet, i'm saddest when i'm alone. it's funny how life can be such a paradox. how complex and deep it is. or maybe it's all just me. cant think about this kind of stuff tho. just gotta live in the moment, taking anything that's thrown at you. knowing everything does happen for a reason.

life is too short to waste, my only regret would be to look back upon my earlier years and think i could have done something different... because at that point it would all become meaningless.

Thu, 09 Sep 2004 18:46:38 GMT

COWBOY A man's attitude ... a man's attitude goes some ways toward how a man's life will be. Is that somethin' you agree with?

ADAM Sure.

COWBOY Now... did you answer cause you thought that's what I wanted to hear or did you think about what I said and answer cause you truly believe that to be right?

ADAM I agree with what you said...truly.

COWBOY What did I say?

ADAM That a man's attitude determines to a large extent how his life will be.

COWBOY So since you agree I guess you could be a person who does not care about the good life.

ADAM How's that?

COWBOY Well, just stop for a little second and think about it. Will ya do that for me?

ADAM Okay, I'm thinking.

...

COWBOY So let's just say I'm drivin' this buggy and you fix your attitude and you can ride along with me.

ADAM Okay.

COWBOY Now I know a few things. I know you have had a rough day. You're probably thinkin' I don't know the half of it, but in actual fact I know every part of it. The business of gittin' thrown off your movie, the heartache of seeing your wife with another man... losin' access to that precious film vault... Adam suddenly looks stunned, unsure.

COWBOY (cont'd) ... realizin' you don't have hardly a nickel to your name and then add on to that the sickenin' feeling some men are gonna catch you and hurt you bad for bustin' their vehicle. Some days are like that. They are rough, but what will tomorrow bring? Will it be better than today? The same ... or worse? A lot of that is up to us individually. Up to us and our attitude.

Mon, 06 Sep 2004 22:50:58 GMT

Just surfing the net and I came across this quote. It was too good to pass up.

"You come to love not by finding the perfect person but by seeing the imperfect person perfectly."

Sat, 04 Sep 2004 06:29:00 GMT

i went to the bank today and talked to one of their financial planners. basically i told them everything and was completely honest. the girl(anna) said i shouldnt have a problem getting the loan. she even said that i wouldnt need a co-signer. id be able to get it on my own. i have to call anna on wednesday to see if i've been approved. if all goes as planed she said shed have papers waiting for me to sign that day too. i asked her what she thought my chances were based on everything i told her and she said i shouldnt have a problem at all. worst case scenario would be i only get $5000, but i will definatly get something. so thats one thing thats finally starting to look up.

john from work saw me walking home and stopped by to say hi. we went over to timmies and just chatted for a bit. hes a really cool guy. almost makes me wish i wasnt gonna be leaving that hell hole so soon. they're finally giving me some more hours too!

oh and just to balance the day out (cause there can never be a truly good day). when i got home my dad freaked out on me. said quite a few harsh things... what else is new. we just dont see eye to eye. were complete opposites and he gets pissed when im not living my life the way he wants me to. hes really is a nice guy and means well. its just that when he gets really frustrated he takes it out on me.

Thu, 02 Sep 2004 14:39:24 GMT

the past couple days i've been feeling really sick. the sight of food makes my stomach turn. i dont know why either. i'm not actually sick. it feels like someone kicked me in the stomach. i think it's stress or something, i hope it goes away soon tho.

Wed, 01 Sep 2004 07:14:31 GMT

01. First Name? george
02. Were you named after anyone? my dad
03. Do you wish on stars? all the time... they never come true...
04. Which finger is your favorite? my index finger, or middle, its a toss up
05. When did you last cry? ...
06. Do you like your handwriting? totally
07. What is your favorite lunch meat? salami, hungarian or german
08. Any bad habits? i bite my fingers when im stressed. i let my emotions control me too often. i dwell and overthink ALL the time. too many bad habits...
09. What is your most embarrassing CD on the shelf? i have a very open taste in music... im not embarrassed by anything i have
10. If you were another person, would you be friends with YOU? of course. i think im a good person... i hope
11. Are you a daredevil? depends on my mood at the time. generally no
12. Have you ever told a secret you swore not to tell? once yes(cause it was really serious) otherwise no, i keep my word
13. Do looks matter? maybe at first but no. attraction is so much deeper then physical looks.
14. What is the first thing you think of when you wake up in the morning? damn... i woke up
15. Do you think there is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow? no
16. Do fish have feelings? maybe?
17. When's your birthday? september 16 1982
18. How do you release anger? i varies... but i tend to get depressed and quiet... bury it deep down and pretend everything is fine(actually i do that for a lot of things.)
19. Where are your second homes? i dont feel like i belong anywhere
20. Do you trust others easily? no, not at all. its incredibly hard to gain and so easy to loose.(i have my past to thank for that)
21. What was your favorite toy as a child? legos! i still have a huge 20 gallon container of them (HA! but i dont actually play with them!)
22. What class in school do you think is totally useless? french... mostly 'cause we were forced to take it and i hate being forced to do anything
23. Do you have a journal? just this one... i had a paper one about a year ago but just over time i slowly stopped using it
24. Do you use sarcasm a lot? no... i NEVER use sarcasm heh
25. Have you ever been in a mosh pit? once
26. What do you look for in a boy/girl? kind, caring, loving, loyal, honest, optimistic, great sense of humor... that they'll give to me what i give them
27. What are your nicknames? i dont really have any
28. Would you ever bungee jump? probably not
29. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? i havent untied my shoes once in the 3 years ive had them
30. Do you think that you are strong? physically and mentally totally.... emotionally? HA! i can be if i really have to, tho its bloody hard
31. What's your favorite ice cream flavor? chocolate chip cookie dough wins hands down! oreo is putting up a good fight tho
32. What's your favorite color? dark blue, black, and grey/silver
33. What is your least favorite food? veggies, and pretty much anything green
34. How many wisdom teeth do you have? none, all pulled out in highschool
36. How many people have a crush on you right now? nobody.... nice guys dont get the girls...
37. Who do you miss most right now? steph...
38. Do you want everyone you send this to, to send it back? i dont care
39. What color pants are you wearing? comfy green fleece ones
40. What are you listening to right now? nothing
41. What are the last 4 digits of your home phone number? 1686
42. What was the last thing you ate? beer batter fish and chips... sooo good
43. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? navy blue
44. How is the weather right now? dark with a cool breeze. the way i love it
45. Who is the last person you talked to on the phone? steph...
46. First thing you notice about the opposite sex? their face definitely. their eyes, lips, hair... how they smile... *sigh*
48. How are you today? pretty depressed actually. tossed and turned all last night, ive never slept that badly before. i have too much going through my mind
49. Favorite Drink? water, orange juice, pepsi once in a while.
50. Favorite alcoholic drink? i dont drink
51. Favorite sports? played basketball in elementary, and football in grade 9. but i dont like sports so much anymore. i could watch extreme sports forever tho
52. Hair color? brown
53. Eye color? brown
54. Do you wear contacts? nope
55. Siblings and their ages? josh 19, candy-anne 15, amber 13(i think)
56. Favorite months? late september to january
57. Favorite food? anything from a bbq
58. Last movies you watched? the shawshank redemption
59. Favorite day of the year? i was going to say my birthday, but everyone forgot last year. so i dont really have one. everyday sucks
60. Are you too shy to ask someone out? im soo shy about everything
61. Scary movies or happy endings? happy endings, that's the only place they'll happen
62. Summer or winter? winter! i hate the summer and heat
63. Hugs or kisses? kisses! but i could really use a hug right now
64. Relationships or one-night stands? relationships, id never do a one-night stand...
65. Do you want your friends to write back? i done care
66. Who is most likely to respond? nobody
67. Who is least likely to respond? nobody
68. What books are you reading? stupid white men by michael moore
71. Favorite board games? chess
72. What did you watch on TV last night? monster garage and monster house. discovery channel rocks!
73. Favorite smells? rain, pine trees, fall leaves...
74. Any Pets? personally no
75. Why did you complete this survey? im incredibly bored... nobodys online

Sun, 29 Aug 2004 16:55:32 GMT

Choices - Author Unknown

Jerry is the kind of guy you love to hate. He is always in a good mood and always has something positive to say. When someone would ask him how he was doing, he would reply, "If I were any better, I would be twins!"

He was a unique manager because he had several waiters who had followed him around from restaurant to restaurant. The reason the waiters followed Jerry was because of his attitude. He was a natural motivator. If an employee was having a bad day, Jerry was there telling the employee how to look on the positive side of the situation.

Seeing this style really made me curious, so one day I went up to Jerry and asked him, I don't get it! You can't be a positive person all of the time. How do you do it?"

Jerry replied, "Each morning I wake up and say to myself, Jerry, you have two choices today. You can choose to be in a good mood or you can choose to be in a bad mood. I choose to be in a good mood. Each time something bad happens, I can choose to be a victim or I can choose to learn from it. I choose to learn from it. Every time someone comes to me complaining, I can choose to accept their complaining or I can point out the positive side of life. I choose the positive side of life.

"Yeah, right, it's not that easy," I protested. "Yes, it is," Jerry said. "Life is all about choices. When you cut away all the junk, every situation is a choice. You choose how you react to situations. You choose how people will affect your mood. You choose to be in a good mood or bad mood. The bottom line: It's your choice how you live life."

I reflected on what Jerry said. Soon thereafter, I left the restaurant industry to start my own business. We lost touch, but I often thought about him when I made a choice about life instead of reacting to it.

Several years later, I heard that Jerry did something you are never supposed to do in a restaurant business: he left the back door open one morning and was held up at gunpoint by three armed robbers. While trying to open the safe, his hand, shaking from nervousness, slipped off the combination. The robbers panicked and shot him. Luckily, Jerry was found relatively quickly and rushed to the local trauma center.

After 18 hours of surgery and weeks of intensive care, Jerry was released from the hospital with fragments of the bullets still in his body.

I saw Jerry about six months after the accident. When I asked him how he was, he replied, "If I were any better, I'd be twins. Wanna see my scars?"

I declined to see his wounds, but did ask him what had gone through his mind as the robbery took place. "the first thing that went through my mind was that I should have locked the back door," Jerry replied. "Then, as I lay on the floor, I remembered that I had two choices: I could choose to live or I could choose to die. I chose to live."

"Weren't you scared? Did you lose consciousness?" I asked. Jerry continued, "...the paramedics were great. They kept telling me I was going to be fine. But when they wheeled me into the ER and I saw the expressions on the faces of the doctors and nurses, I got really scared. In their eyes, I read 'he's a deadman.' I knew I needed to take action."

"What did you do?" I asked. "Well, there was a big burly nurse shouting questions at me," said Jerry. "She asked if I was allergic to anything. 'Yes' I replied. The doctors and nurses stopped working as they waited for my reply. I took a deep breath and yelled, 'Bullets!' Over their laughter, I told them, 'I am choosing to live. Operate on me as if I am alive, not dead'."

Jerry lived thanks to the skill of his doctors, but also because of his amazing attitude. I learned from him that every day we have the choice to live fully. Attitude, after all, is everything.

Sun, 29 Aug 2004 09:20:03 GMT

I really don't know how to start this entry... (Ha!, I guess thats a good enough start). You know when life is really dragging you down and you think to yourself, well, it cant get any worse it has to get better. Then WHAM, something else comes along to just beat you down a little more. Just to make sure you cant get to your feet at the bottom of the barrel.

I went to get a haircut for tonight, and then after I stopped by the bank to deposit my paycheck and grab $60 for The Guv. The lady takes my check and then turns to me and say we can give you any cash, your account is overdrawn. Overdrawn? WHAT? by how much? She tells me just over $350. So I'm thinking to myself, wtf is going on here. That's impossible. She prints off my recent transactions, and yesterday... YESTERDAY! 3 checks were cashed for $125 each. I never write checks for that much, let alone 3 checks in the last month! They said they can order a copy of the check at $5 a peice on Monday, but can't do anything for me until then. So I'm freaking out. I'm pissed. WHERE THE FUCK IS MY MONEY?

The only thing I can think of is School. My material fees I believe were about $125. But that was paid at the beginning of each semester. I think the school never cashed them. I think they held onto all the checks and cashed them all yesterday at once. Totally fucking me over! Bastards! I can't believe they'd do that! What's the point of paying each semester then? Why the hell did they get on our cases when the fees were late? FUCK!

You know what the worst thing is... I couldn't go see Schulz! I had to turn around and bail on Mark and had to skip the whole thing. God damnit I hate money! it does nothing but cause problems!

Oh what else? My parents were gone for the weekend!! Steph came over last night cause I was gonna goto Schulz, and now cause she got barely any sleep, she was too tired to come over today too. Had I known that school was gonna screw me, We wouldn't have done anything yesterday and she could have came over. Damnit, why do you have to live so far Steph?

So now I'm stuck at home... Alone... With an empty house... Doing what I do every other night. Sitting at the computer, bored at hell.

I can't wait till I get my car! to get outta this house, to quit my job. I'm so sick of all these little games life plays with you! Something needs to change... and it needs to happen soon!

Fri, 27 Aug 2004 14:39:41 GMT

HA! Mark messaged me the other day and bailed on me. We've been planing on going to the Guvernment on Saturday for a few weeks now. They got this amazing DJ coming in. Markus Schulz! Simply the best DJ ever; his style is so unique, has this dark, brooding, melodic feel to it.

Anyways! lol, He all of a sudden came up with an excuse about camping this weekend and said he couldn't make it. I understand that plans change, but this coming from the guy who for the past 6 months has ALWAYS had an excuse last min not to go. So I got fed up and set him straight. "I'd like to say I'm upset man. But you always have a reason last min not to go. I expected it. I knew you wern't gonna come. If you don't wanna go just tell me. Don't lead me on saying how excited you are when you know you're just gonna bail." He said he knows and that he felt really bad.

Last night he messaged me and said that he screwed up the dates and they arn't going for another 2 weeks or something. So the whole thing is back on! lol. Didn't really matter, I probably gonna go with or without him. Just funny how that all worked out.

Schulz Tomorrow!!! :D

Thu, 26 Aug 2004 09:25:35 GMT

I've really been meaning to update this thing. It's been over 2 months. Wow. Thanks to everyone that said Hi in the last entry. It's pretty late right now... 5am.. Everyone's offline and I'm wide awake. heh

This heat is killing me. It made me seriously sick earlier today. God I hate summer... I cant wait for fall... and winter.

So lets see... Life seems to be shitting on me lately. HA! Typical LJ post eh. This kid at work spilt water on my laptop and fried it. And now his mom, a co-worker refuses to pay for it... well not completely. She offered me 250 for a 1000 repair bill. I’m tempted to just tell her I want 500 and then quit. And I'll just swallow the rest. They really aren’t worth my time to waste with court shit. I was planning on getting a loan in a few days to get a car. So I'll just use some of that to pay the rest of the repair bill. I need to get it fixed ASAP.

mmm really that’s a huge bulk of it lately. Now I'm forced to switch jobs. But the place was really getting on my nerves. I'm finished school. Completely! Which is so nice! But I kinda feel a bit lost. What’s next? It's the real world now... lol Get a car, stable full-time job and move the fuck out! lol

My dad said he would co-sign on a loan with me. Which will solve all my financial problems! I'll get a car (FINALLY), and pay off all my bills. And the monthly payment for the loan is just over half what I'm paying now for all my other bills combined.

I'm feeling pretty lonely... really lonely... I dunno what it is, I want to have someone, to be able to hold someone. I have all this love inside of me but nobody to give it to... HA! Hope that doesn't sound too retarded but whatever, It's how I feel. I want someone to want me the way I want them, and to be happy. I know.. everything happens for a reason, the universe always balances out in the end. I'm usually the one telling everyone else that. It still doesn’t change anything. *sigh* Being along is so depressing.

I think I'm gonna try to get some more sleep. My headache is starting to come back.

Later!

Sun, 06 Jun 2004 05:46:11 GMT

I see Steph had some fun with my account already! It's too late, all these menus look the same to me right now and she couldn't wait for me to post something in the morning, but I'll try to start posting here (happy steph? :P) ummmm yea.... so Hi to all of Stephs friends 'cause I'm sure you guys will make your way here eventually. Now I need to goto bed. It's been a LONG day.

Night...